Spellbind | IC Contact.

[lalliho]

wip, brainspeaky thoughtnoises

Comments

[actus]

[ no more magical comas. please. he doesn't want to hear emil "screeching" on the network about it again. it's kind of nerve-wracking. ]

yup. it's me.

[ the only reason he isn't going to make a joke is because he's worried he'll set his bed on fire by accident. ]

couldn't get enough of me, huh?

[ now that's a joke! ]

[lalliho]

[Why does Lalli know multiple firebugs...]

You contacted me.

[Stupid boy.]

[actus]

[ moths to the flame, lalli. ]

mhm. and you told me to call you.
i think we're even.

[ why is he like this. ]

[lalliho]

[that's kinda gay but not totally incorrect]

Okay but you still did it.

[so don't EXPOSE him...]

...You had things to say. That's all. I...wanted to hear what you meant.

[actus]

[ MUCH EXPOSURE. ]

ah, yeah. that.
we were talking about fate, right?

[ it was a long day, please refresh his memory exactly what intrigued you enough to continue this conversation. ]

[lalliho]

[His mental process kind of...stalls... was that what it was... In the end, maybe. He hadn't thought it through that far.]

You said things could be worse than...being made to want to stay? I guess? Or staying here. I don't know.

[actus]

[ oh yes, that. ]

right.
i'm sure this place isn't anyone's first choice. and i'm sure everyone has important things happening back home.
things that you can't just forget about. responsibilities, too.
but this place isn't all bad.
the people here ... make it worth wanting to stay. maybe not forever, of course.
but just long enough to be happy. or to figure things out that weren't clear back home.
it beats loneliness.

[lalliho]

Does it?

[Now that he's alone, he can curl up on himself, leaning into the wall to soak up the cool comfort it provides. No eyes on him... He's just thinking. That's all that he has to do.]

If I think I can be happy with people here, what happens? I lose them. They lose me. Things need to go back to...normal. It'll hurt less.

[actus]

[ .... oh. yeah, well, he's definitely thought about that, too. ]

it's ... a risk, yeah.
and it'll definitely hurt.
but aren't those months of happiness better than months of being miserable?
we aren't even sure how people get sent back home.
it could take a lot longer than months....

[lalliho]

I don't have to be miserable about more things than being here. I'm always going to be miserable about that. A friend won't change that. Just make me miserable about the friend.

[actus]

i guess that's true.
apart from the obvious weird lizard and fish people, and being here against our will....
what's so miserable about this place?

[lalliho]

I need to go home.

I want to go home.

[actus]

... what's going on back home?

[lalliho]

[...Now there's a tough one.]

Nothing anymore.

But it's my home. It's what I have left.

[actus]

isn't your friend here?

[ yeah........ ]

[lalliho]

[..................]

He can't be my friend.

[No matter how many gay moments and feelings he has.]

[actus]

[ ?????????? ]

why not?
you're both going back home eventually.

[lalliho]

He couldn't be my friend there either.

He's too different. He doesn't know anything.

[actus]

i didn't realize that knowledge was a prerequisite for friendship.
...if it was, i probably wouldn't have too many friends.

[ not that he has too many to begin with, but details. ]

[lalliho]

No it's

He doesn't understand me. I don't think he ever will. His life was too different.

He's soft. He's good. I can't break that. He should keep being able to smile.

He can't do that if he's friends with me.

[actus]

[ this is actually breaking his heart? ]

emil, right?
he was worried when you wouldn't wake up.
i don't think we get to decide who ends up caring about us.
even if we tell them not to be our friends.
i know it's easier to protect people by not letting them in.
but that's ... just going to hurt more people in the end.
trust me.

[lalliho]

[Welcome to that Lalli life, Akira.]

Do you know that for certain?

[actus]

[ he's here. it's hell. ]

a ... friend of mine did something similar.
kept pushing people away.
something happened to him.
and even though he did a pretty good job of pissing a lot of people off and did a lot of horrible things...
it still hurt.
even if we weren't "friends."
because i sometimes blame myself for not being able to help.

[lalliho]

[There's a distinct feeling of grief before Lalli can pull back on the connection, leaving only the barest trace of himself behind. He's still here, and he still wants to talk, he just -- needs to calm down.

A few poor coping mechanisms later, his mind approaches again.]

I don't know what to do.

[actus]

[ he's almost worried he's pushed too far, too fast, but he's glad to see the connection fully established. ]

... that's fine . i'm sure you have your reasons. i won't pretend i get what's going on in your world.
i just think it might be good, for the both of you, to give it a shot.
friends aren't all bad. promise.
but it's your decision, obviously.