[His nose wrinkles distastefully. Ugh, he doesn't waaant a truce... It's also really fun to slap random stuff into Emil's face. Still, he gives a grumble of agreement.]
( He can still slap Emil with random shit, just not lizard spit. At least Emil feels a little more playful about it, content in just...stupid stuff.
Actually, there is this...lightness to him, now. He can feel this lack of pressure that had been weighing him down lately. Everything just feels so...nice. Despite propping up the wall against Lalli's bed, he's definitely still at ease. )
I just realized how bad I felt before. Now it's just...gone. ( He's still sort of shell-shocked at everything, not including his own Sudden Emotional Realization. All the while, he stares stupidly at the lizard that's crawled back out from their murky depths. ) I still don't think I think this is real.
[Lizard spit is just so accessible... He mourns this loss right up until Emil's words set in and he feels a little smile form on his own lips. With a hum, he sets his back to the wall alongside Emil, and his expression does well to convey all the contented feelings warming his heart.]
...Yeah. It doesn't feel real, but it's still a lot better. And I know it's real, so...
( It's pretty domestic bliss. There's indeed something complimentary in being liked, and of course that goes both ways. Lalli's tiny smile feels a little snug to Emil, but it's still nice.
He doesn't feel that same self-assuredness at the moment, though. )
I feel kind of...dumb. ( You heard it here, folks. ) That wasn't nearly as catastrophic as I told Akira I thought it would be.
[Good, he thinks but doesn't say, and manages to keep it off the telepathic connection, too. He is dumb. Really dumb.]
It felt catastrophic. Before. [He gets it, at the very least.] Mmn. It's like getting ready for a big battle. And you think you're gonna die. But then nothing comes.
( Emil nods at that, having said something...similar to Akira. Not so dire or earth-shattering, but similar all the same. He Gets It, and that's nice. He doesn't have to worry. )
Akira...said that it was obvious what was going on, but I had no idea. When he said I should do something about it, I thought about you...it made sense, but I also thought about how if I said anything, everything might change. In a bad way, anyway. ( Everything had changed, but it all shifted in the opposite direction. )
I guess part of me thought it would be better to feel bad for a while instead of never being able to be friends with you, or something else like that. ( He'd alluded to this earlier, but saying it out loud in more detail has its own freeing quality to it. That nervous idea in the back of his mind was totally unfounded, and he'd now get to have more nervous, giddy butterflies to put there instead. )
[IT WAS A HEART!!!! Lalli sighs and draws his legs up to wrap his arms around, trying not to be too bothered since... Yeah. He did get it. He'd been struggling with it, himself.]
You're different, so I thought it would be okay. You always come back to me, for some reason. I thought...even if you didn't like me back, it would be okay. [His stomach churns, the discomfort caused by the conversation sleeping into his physical state as well. He should have been able to let it go. There was nothing to worry about, now. Emil likes him.] But then it was like it was more than impossible. It really...hurt. To just be ignored.
( Oops, he can't help but Big Sigh at that. He knows now!! The thing is still in his fridge!!! Still, Emil can't fault Lalli for reminding him of that shitty morning. He's personally of two minds, since looking back? Yeah that was...bad. But he also knows where his own mind was at, so he is a little defensive of A Few Days Ago Emil. )
I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just...I didn't think you could ever see me as someone to like. And if you just got me the cake to be nice, not to tell me anything bigger than that, and I thought you did mean something bigger and responded to it...that would have been embarrassing.
( It was also definitely more than that, which he'd cautiously accepted over the next days. ) If I'd said something to you and you thought I was gross or insane, and if that made you feel awkward around me, I...
( Emil trails off. His mind tries to go back to shutting out those negative thoughts, and he lets it this time -- that didn't happen. It's alright, even though his stomach flips a little at even the subconscious consideration. )
( This little shit...oh well, Emil has accepted that his boyfriend can be an asshole sometimes. He only has a minor complaint with all that. ) I don't do gross things. ( He can live with embarrassing and insane, but gross...boy.
At the second part, Emil looks over at Lalli for a moment, observing him completely. Weird and scary is a good way to put it, but...that's just the negative side of it, when the positive is so much more present to him. Lalli's arms are wrapped around his knees, so it'd be hard to grab his hand. Instead, Emil rests his head against his shoulder very lightly, talking with the same tone of gentleness. )
I think it'll feel...less like that after a while. At least I hope so...I don't want you to be scared.
[Soft as his words, Lalli shifts to rest his cheek on Emil's head. He's still tense, holding himself back, because some part of him worries that the sharpness of his bones was going to be enough to pop this dreamy scenario and turn Emil into a puff of smoke. But he can feel him there. That's nice.]
You kissed a lizard, too. ( He's formulating the callout post as we speak. The lizard in question hears themselves being discussed and claws their way up onto the bed frame, curling their fat tail around their body to lay down while staring at the two of them with their big, unblinking black eyes. Don't @ them either, assholes.
Emil's insecurities and anxieties aren't the same as Lalli's, but that feeling of presence is still nice and comforting. There are a lot of things to be uncertain about -- things that he doesn't want to, and won't, think about for now. But the weight of Lalli's head on his own helps to clear his mind of all of that without any extra effort. He's sharp, but also so soft in many unexpected ways. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Fine. Lizard spit truce.
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Actually, there is this...lightness to him, now. He can feel this lack of pressure that had been weighing him down lately. Everything just feels so...nice. Despite propping up the wall against Lalli's bed, he's definitely still at ease. )
I just realized how bad I felt before. Now it's just...gone. ( He's still sort of shell-shocked at everything, not including his own Sudden Emotional Realization. All the while, he stares stupidly at the lizard that's crawled back out from their murky depths. ) I still don't think I think this is real.
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...Yeah. It doesn't feel real, but it's still a lot better. And I know it's real, so...
[Ugh, he's happy. That's so...weird.]
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He doesn't feel that same self-assuredness at the moment, though. )
I feel kind of...dumb. ( You heard it here, folks. ) That wasn't nearly as catastrophic as I told Akira I thought it would be.
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It felt catastrophic. Before. [He gets it, at the very least.] Mmn. It's like getting ready for a big battle. And you think you're gonna die. But then nothing comes.
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Akira...said that it was obvious what was going on, but I had no idea. When he said I should do something about it, I thought about you...it made sense, but I also thought about how if I said anything, everything might change. In a bad way, anyway. ( Everything had changed, but it all shifted in the opposite direction. )
I guess part of me thought it would be better to feel bad for a while instead of never being able to be friends with you, or something else like that. ( He'd alluded to this earlier, but saying it out loud in more detail has its own freeing quality to it. That nervous idea in the back of his mind was totally unfounded, and he'd now get to have more nervous, giddy butterflies to put there instead. )
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[IT WAS A HEART!!!! Lalli sighs and draws his legs up to wrap his arms around, trying not to be too bothered since... Yeah. He did get it. He'd been struggling with it, himself.]
You're different, so I thought it would be okay. You always come back to me, for some reason. I thought...even if you didn't like me back, it would be okay. [His stomach churns, the discomfort caused by the conversation sleeping into his physical state as well. He should have been able to let it go. There was nothing to worry about, now. Emil likes him.] But then it was like it was more than impossible. It really...hurt. To just be ignored.
[glances at this hypocrite]
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I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just...I didn't think you could ever see me as someone to like. And if you just got me the cake to be nice, not to tell me anything bigger than that, and I thought you did mean something bigger and responded to it...that would have been embarrassing.
( It was also definitely more than that, which he'd cautiously accepted over the next days. ) If I'd said something to you and you thought I was gross or insane, and if that made you feel awkward around me, I...
( Emil trails off. His mind tries to go back to shutting out those negative thoughts, and he lets it this time -- that didn't happen. It's alright, even though his stomach flips a little at even the subconscious consideration. )
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Mmn. You do embarrassing, gross, insane things all the time, you know. It's fine for you.
[...or he could just. keep being an ass.]
It really is weird you'd like me. I like that you do, of course, but... Yes. It feels weird. Scary.
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At the second part, Emil looks over at Lalli for a moment, observing him completely. Weird and scary is a good way to put it, but...that's just the negative side of it, when the positive is so much more present to him. Lalli's arms are wrapped around his knees, so it'd be hard to grab his hand. Instead, Emil rests his head against his shoulder very lightly, talking with the same tone of gentleness. )
I think it'll feel...less like that after a while. At least I hope so...I don't want you to be scared.
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[don't @ him motherfucker]
...Hn.
[Soft as his words, Lalli shifts to rest his cheek on Emil's head. He's still tense, holding himself back, because some part of him worries that the sharpness of his bones was going to be enough to pop this dreamy scenario and turn Emil into a puff of smoke. But he can feel him there. That's nice.]
Yeah.
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Emil's insecurities and anxieties aren't the same as Lalli's, but that feeling of presence is still nice and comforting. There are a lot of things to be uncertain about -- things that he doesn't want to, and won't, think about for now. But the weight of Lalli's head on his own helps to clear his mind of all of that without any extra effort. He's sharp, but also so soft in many unexpected ways. )